what next?

-- Thus says the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God, who teaches you to profit, who leads you in the way you should go." {Isaiah 48:17} --

After an experience like interning in Africa, coming home can seem like a step backward. While I love seeing people who are close to me, I can't help but ask, what was it all for? Was it just an experience that I can look back on with fond memories of friendships, struggles, and growth? I have so many emotions raging through my mind and heart that sometimes I don't know how to keep them straight. (Okay I know I've only been home for three days... I mean, I still have jet lag)  Even so, I feel that I have gained such a global perspective. Not knowing my next step is daunting but if I learned anything through this journey it is that God works in ways I do not understand. I thought I knew this truth before -- but now I feel like I have lived with this reality displayed every day. 

My direction, my goals, my passions seem to have been reignited and redirected. I think sometimes when we are removed from what is familiar and comfortable, we become more in tune to the Lord and His voice. Taking a step back from the busyness of life and experiencing something altogether new was exactly what I needed. It is crazy how the little things that make up life can cause us to miss so much. There is such a difference between living life and living a full life. 

No matter how confusing life is, God holds it in His hand. 

I do not know where I have been called next, or where I will be in two years. What I do know, is that God has a plan designed to stretch, mold, and teach me. 

There are hurting people everywhere. In Africa, in South America, in my neighborhood, everywhere. I may not know exactly where my life is headed but I do know that I, like everyone who follows Christ, am called to make Him known. What does that look like? I am still discovering. 

-- For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!” {Romans 10:13-15}  --

Life is an unpredictable mystery but that is what keeps it exciting. It also keeps us needing to continually trust the Lord for each step. He is there through every moment of the journey. 

mishaps and moments. {making life beautiful}

What have I learned after spending a month in Nairobi?

Well, I would say patience and living each moment among other things. Here in Kenya things run differently. Never can you know what will happen that day and you must always be ready for dramatic plan changes at any given moment. At first, this culture of seemingly unknown chaos was overwhelming. Yet as time goes by I realize more and more that looking past minute frustrations, there is a way of life that is teaching me a lasting lesson.

New adventures. Exciting journeys. I realize that I focus on the future and on my plans all too much. What about each moment? What about the small happenings of every day life? I think many people feel how I did. Always looking for a new adventure and not realizing that at some point that adventure becomes you present, daily life. When the newness wears off and life sets in, what do we do? I looked for something different. Something more thrilling.

This is not how I am called to live my life.

Let me elaborate on how patience is a necessity and how I am learning.

This past Saturday all the inters took a day trip to Naivasha to visit Crescent Island for a walking safari. By 9am we were on our way. We visited a lookout viewpoint, took pictures, laughed and enjoyed the gorgeous view. After piling back into the bus, we hit a larger than usual bump (which you'd realize is quite an accomplishment if you've ever driven on Kenyan roads). Soon after we smelled the odor of gasoline -- we made it to a gas station all the while leaking fuel down the mountain. While we waited for the bus to be fixed we went to lunch thinking surely it would be done by our return. No, the part needed to fix our only means of transportation was nowhere to be found. Well, like any group of friends out on an ill fated adventure, we played games, laughed and fellowshipped to pass the time.

Later on, we realized our bus was going nowhere. So, we were able to hire a matatu (public transport van) to take us where we wanted to go. Many turn arounds and a confused driver later, we made it. Now, we were supposed to have most of the day to spend on the island so we could explore and take our time discovering animals and experiencing the area. Well, due to our mishap we ended up with a little less than two hours to spend. Even in this short time, we saw giraffes, zebras, antelope, buffalo, gazelles, monkeys, waterbucks, and various incredible African animals. It was an amazing demonstration of the creativity of God. Absolutely breathtaking to experience.

Despite the fact that we were pressed for time and the day did not go according to plan, I found myself exceedingly thankful. I truly enjoyed the day and I will cherish the memories forever. There were many times  when I could have been frustrated and many moments that could have ruined the day. A few weeks ago, that may very well have been the outcome. Now, because I have been living in a place where the unpredictable is every day life, I can see more clearly the value of treasuring moments like these.

I tell this story because for me, it shows how I am learning to take life as it comes. To enjoy each day and find the beauty and fun in every mishap, every plan change, every unpredictable, astonishing moment.

Life is unpredictable and when we wish away the struggles, the annoyances, the mundane, we miss the chance to learn contentment. See, I always assumed that contentment came when we were accepting of how things played out in life. While this is true, it is so much more. The very definition is "a state of happiness and satisfaction". Contentment is a choice. If I am only content when things go right or when I am experiencing a new adventure, it is only a hollow word. True contentment requires a daily decision to embrace and love where you are.

Living in Africa this summer is one of my dreams. I guess you could say it was on my bucket list. Yet this does not mean I have been content. I was confused as to why I was wishing for something new when I was experiencing a life long goal. Then I realized contentment is not linked to the happiness of achievement but the happiness given by the Lord as we accept where we are and see the depth of His love wherever that may be.

Eventually, the newness of any situation wears off and the adventure becomes the every day. I am learning to embrace the trips to work, attending church, having dinner and all the things I do regularly. My time in Kenya has taught me that life is made of small moments and big ones but if we jump ahead, we just might miss the things that give life to our lives. I love Africa and most of all I love that while here, God is teaching me ever more about Himself and the wonderful world he has created.

True Growth

What does it mean to grow spiritually? It is commonplace for Christians to pray for growth and increased faith. While this sounds like an incredible request, I have been questioning whether growth is what we truly want. Do we ask for growth because it seems like a good thing, or do we honestly hunger for deep, meaningful, challenging growth?

Growth comes through challenges that stretch us beyond where we are comfortable. When I left for Kenya I prayed that the Lord would use this time for me to impact those I am serving and to grow my spiritual life. Growth is a dangerous thing to pray for because the Lord allows challenges that test whether or not we are sincerely seeking Him. In Kenya I have experienced insecurities and frustrations on a small scale that made me question the sincerity of my prayer. Am I willing to accept the terms of God's plan and trust that the challenges are part of it? We are not promised easy lives. In fact if we are growing, it is more likely that we face certain challenges. "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds." [James 1:2] When I feel nervous or out of place instead of wishing those moments away I should be using them as opportunities to trust God with every moment. Growth comes through time and the Lord is constantly giving us chances to grow. "He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." [Philippians 1:6] The process of growth does not have an ending; if we are willing it will continue.

After my first week in Kenya I have loved experiencing a different culture full of beautiful, passionate believers. I am learning to embrace the challenges and honestly pursue true growth as I seek to follow in the footsteps of the Lord.